Saturday, September 18, 2010

Resident Evil: Afterlife

The essential question that the Resident Evil franchise asks is this: Can you ever have too much of Milla Jovovich in skintight clothing fighting outrageous numbers of enemies, most of them undead, in ways that routinely defy the laws of physics?

If your answer is a resounding no, as any sensible person's should be, then you should skip this movie, its predecessors, and its inevitable sequel.

If, on the other hand, you're always up for a hot woman with a gun and you don't require that your movie plots make any sense whatsoever, then you won't want to miss this one.

My answer varies with my mood, but recently the right mood (Or was it the wrong one? That's a moral question I won't address today.) struck me, and so off I went to view this cinematic masterpiece.

It really was bad. Most of the actors are themselves the walking dead, cashing paychecks and then moving on to something that they hope they can tell their parents about. Jovovich has three expressions: flat, flat with a hint of anger, and flat with a hint of sadness. I was really hoping for a sex scene, so that we might get a glimpse of flat with a hint of excitement, but no such luck.

The movie is also entirely a video game, each installment just a level that immediately follows the previous one. This one ends--don't worry, spoilers can't hurt this film--with the enemies for the next level--um, movie--massed in the sky and staring at our heroic survivors.

Yet for all that it was terrible, I still had a good time, because sometimes dumb shoot-em-ups are just the right entertainment.


Dan Campbell said...

You are piquing my (up to now, mild) interest over-the-top bad action films... ;-)

Mark said...

Always glad to help, Dan.


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