My appearance on SF in SF: you can watch it now

Ticia recorded the event and then secured permission from Amelia Beamer and Rina Weisman to post them. I've embedded the six parts below.

I should note that I haven't watched them, but I know that Ticia had to work from the audience and we had boom mikes in front of our faces, so I expect the audio may suffer from time to time. I also don't know if the pieces below are in chronological order; as I said, I haven't looked at them yet.

Enjoy!

The Motorized Hot Dog Throne of Doom

Enough folks have bugged me about this reference that I'm finally going to relent and explain it.

One night at World Fantasy Con in San Jose, four of us--Griffin, Ticia, Jennie, and I--were holding down a corner of the lovely and huge lobby bar area. We were all very, very tired, and at least one of us was drinking, though not excessively. I believe I had just finished doing the Liars Panel and so was buzzed from performing.

In other words, the area was ripe with potential for silliness.

We began discussing my strange desire to own this amazing hot dog statue, which I've discussed before in this blog. Someone remarked--I'm not hiding anyone's role, I just can't remember who said what because it all unfolded very quickly--on the fact that this thing had a wheeled base.

We then remembered that it was also available in a three-foot version.

From there, it was a short leap to welding a seat on the front of the six-foot hot dog, bolting the two three-foot statues to either side of the big one for stability, and in a move of Tool Guy-like genius, attaching a large motor to the back of the whole thing.

We were almost there, but something was lacking. What could it be?

Guns, of course! Water pistols and such for play, real weapons for serious combat.

Voila! The Motorized Hot Dog Throne of Doom!

I would so drive that around the house and down the sidewalk at the beach, perhaps with a jaunty shade duct-taped to the big dog's mustard bottle to protect me from the sun.

I know, I know: You had to be there. But we were, and we laughed so hard I thought I was going to die.

I do, though, still want that contraption.

Guest post: Slanted Jack and why the movie will be a success

MVN: This guest post comes courtesy of Ticia, who wrote it to amuse herself and me. I thought it might amuse you as well, so I persuaded her to let me put it here as a guest entry. Enjoy.

1) Your instincts to have Will Smith be Jon are dead on. I believe he would take the franchise far. He's gorgeous, he's talented, and he comes with a devoted following.

2) Every time I finish a Jon and Lobo book, I am left with the sad realization that there is no movie version of the books on DVD. Think of the joy movie-goers will experience when they realize they can rush right out and buy three (soon to be four) Jon and Lobo adventures.

3) When the movie is met with universal praise and awe, the chances of an audio book release are greater. There is a whole audience out there who listens to books while they commute. They are being dreadfully neglected right now.

4) You know you want to be a "foodie consultant" on the movie set. The restaurant scene will need a "location scout" as well. Imagine how much fun you'd have doing the research.

5) While "Overthrowing Heaven" has many visuals I'd love to see on the big screen, Wonder Island may cost too much to reproduce as a first venture. But, after "Slanted Jack" breaks all box-office records, the sky's the limit.

6) Also, in "Overthrowing Heaven", the beautiful Matahi and the fact that she's a courtesan might kick the rating level up from a PG-13 to an R; Or, if we were lucky, NC-17. We don't want that. We want to hook the families with young children. Two generations of readers is better than one.

7) I also nixed "One Jump Ahead" as the first movie because of Lobo. We need a fully functioning Lobo for marketing. Because there will be toys. Your books don't offer toys and I find that to be a serious downside. I want Jon and Lobo action figures.

8) ComicCon loves Sci Fi movies. Graphic Novel can't be far behind.

I could go on, but I don't want to bruise your writer's ego. So I won't even mention:

9) Michael Bay attached as director.

or

10) Happy Meal tie-ins.

MVN: I have to to say that if I got Will Smith for a Slanted Jack movie, I'd shut up about Michael Bay and the Happy Meal tie-ins--and cash the big checks that would come rolling in.

Guest blog: Don't Panic

(Today's guest blog explores the serious and always fascinating topic of zombies. It comes from Ticia, initially my Balticon 43 handler and now my friend.)

All of my friends are speculating, at great length, about the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse. They all seem to have elaborate plans with escape routes, meeting places, weapons stashes, and phone trees with the important contact numbers listed on speed dial. All know how to spot the undead immediately. They know which weapons will be effective and which will just create more moving parts, which leads this discussion to me.

I have no weapons stash, no elaborate escape routes, and I live in a rambling suburban sub-division where, when the shambling dead come to call, I will be the cheese in a zombie maze. My destiny is to suffer the same fate as every poor nameless red shirted Star Trek Security Officer that dies on an away mission. I am zombie fodder.

I know that if my family were threatened, wading in with my machete and taking care of business would be no problem. Give me motivation, and I can saw and hack away with the best of them. However, as any true Survivalist will tell you, although my heart may be in the right place, my machete puts me too close to the zombie action. The experts say a small-caliber high-capacity semiautomatic rifle, such as an AR-15 would be an ideal weapon choice.

Because knowledge is power, I purchased The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks. It reveals that short hair and tight clothes are ideal protection. It also highlights many subjects and problems that have never occurred to me. The debate between weapon weight and accuracy at range is a real eye opener for this novice.

This is a great starting place for anyone who has concerns about how to actually survive a zombie infestation.

Do not accept your fate meekly, go forth and read.

Give those zombies a deader tomorrow.