Saturday, April 24, 2010

The Motorized Hot Dog Throne of Doom

Enough folks have bugged me about this reference that I'm finally going to relent and explain it.

One night at World Fantasy Con in San Jose, four of us--Griffin, Ticia, Jennie, and I--were holding down a corner of the lovely and huge lobby bar area. We were all very, very tired, and at least one of us was drinking, though not excessively. I believe I had just finished doing the Liars Panel and so was buzzed from performing.

In other words, the area was ripe with potential for silliness.

We began discussing my strange desire to own this amazing hot dog statue, which I've discussed before in this blog. Someone remarked--I'm not hiding anyone's role, I just can't remember who said what because it all unfolded very quickly--on the fact that this thing had a wheeled base.

We then remembered that it was also available in a three-foot version.

From there, it was a short leap to welding a seat on the front of the six-foot hot dog, bolting the two three-foot statues to either side of the big one for stability, and in a move of Tool Guy-like genius, attaching a large motor to the back of the whole thing.

We were almost there, but something was lacking. What could it be?

Guns, of course! Water pistols and such for play, real weapons for serious combat.

Voila! The Motorized Hot Dog Throne of Doom!

I would so drive that around the house and down the sidewalk at the beach, perhaps with a jaunty shade duct-taped to the big dog's mustard bottle to protect me from the sun.

I know, I know: You had to be there. But we were, and we laughed so hard I thought I was going to die.

I do, though, still want that contraption.


J. Griffin Barber said...

Mark is being... less than completely open about all the projected uses of the Hot Dog Throne o'Doom. This is good, 'cause if he told all, we'd have to hunt him, doomthrone-sitter or not.

Todd said...

That statue is creepy! :-x

Mark said...

Griffin is correct, but as he said, I omitted what I did for my own safety.

Mark said...

Indeed, Todd, it is--and yet somehow compelling.

Michelle said...

The visual of this contraption is quite frightening. Mostly due to the fact that I agree with Todd. The statue is creepy, kind of like the Burger King character, just creepy. The thought of being surrounded by three of the hot dog guys is frightening. And, no, I don't think this reader needs to know what uses you came up with. Some things are better left unsaid.

J. Griffin Barber said...

Like all great art!

Mark said...

Michelle, I have to say that I would be thrilled to be sitting on the hot dog throne. Sure, it's a little creepy, but it's also made of awesome.

Mark said...

Griffin, I heartily concur!

Todd said...

Compellingly creepy.

I won't want to know how comfortable the seat would or wouldn't be.

Mark said...

Fair enough, Todd.

J. Griffin Barber said...

There will never be a need to get off the throne.


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