The Van Name ghost in the data machine

Many years ago, when Scott was but a wee lad, we stopped and ate at a Burger King. The chain was running a promotion that dangled the possibility of free stuff if you filled in a card with your contact information. Scott was just learning to write, and he was interested in the promotion, so he wrote his name, and I helped by filling in our last name and our address. Someone in the Burger King data factory couldn't read his printing, because not long thereafter we received a letter addressed to

Scooba Van Name

Thus was a new person set adrift in the nation's data stream.

Companies sell data, of course, so soon Scooba started receiving all sorts of mail. When companies exchange data, they tend to do so imperfectly, so Scooba was in some places male and in others female, in some Scott's age and in other's a few years older.

Scooba's sibling, Scobba, was also born.

Now, Scooba and Scobba (though mostly Scooba, he/she is the popular one) receive mail multiple times per week. Scooba's been asked to participate in both high school and middle school beauty pageants--in the same few months. Scooba's been recruited to multiple honors study programs, to the prestigious Mary Baldwin College when she/he was heading toward upper school, to multiple branches of the military, to international study opportunities, to state and national and international youth leadership conferences, and on and on. Today, Scooba received his first credit-card offer, courtesy of the fine folks at Discover.

I resist the urge to respond to any of these, though not because I'm a nice guy; I'm simply too busy. I do, though, track them with glee.

If you ever meet a real Scooba Van Name (or a Scobba, for that matter), please let me know. We've been throwing out his/her mail.