One of the worst feelings in the world
is watching one of your children suffer and being unable to do anything about it. Thanks to an unsecured network in a neighboring business, I'm writing this entry while sitting in the office of the oral surgeon who is working on Scott. They let me sit with Scott through the nitrous and IV insertion phases, but after that they showed me to the lobby. (That's actually fine with me; I want them to do their best work, and my presence wouldn't help that cause.) Standing there, watching my son have to deal with his second oral surgery, made my heart ache. I know that in the global scope of medical procedures this is not a big deal, and I know that he will be fine and home with us in a few hours, but it still scares and upsets me. That's my son they're operating on, damn it. I want him to be all better. I don't want him to have to do this.
I want to help, and I can't.
That very state, of course, is going to be more and more common in my life, as my children grow and ultimately go out on their own. I want to make their lives as easy and joy-filled and fun as possible, and I can't do most of that; heck, past a certain point in their lives I can control very little of it.
All over the world right now, parents are confronting similar troubles, often much worse ones. They have my sympathies. Each of their situations is unique, yet all of our situations are essentially the same. That knowledge doesn't really help, but I try to take from it what solace I can.
And I work to pass the time until my son appears and I know he is well.
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2 comments:
I had much the same feelings every time they put Katie under for her dental procedures. Talking with the lady whose kid was in for exploratory surgery on a brain tumor helped put my feelings into perspective. (She got good news--the tumor could be removed by an operation and wasn't cancerous.) Of course I still have those feelings, but I try to keep 'em under control.--Toni
You're absolutely right about perspective, and most of the time I maintain it. I don't think, though, that it's ever easy for anyone to deal with painful things happening to their children.
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