Saturday, February 15, 2014

Let's stop the flood of disaster movies before it starts

Pompeii is coming.  Noah is due not long after it.  Does anyone really want to see disaster movies of real (or believed by many to be real, in the case of Noah) events that the filmmakers fill with made-up and almost certainly silly sub-plots?

I know I don't.  I worry, in fact, that supporting these movies may lead to a run of disaster films, because if there's anything Hollywood loves to do, it's jump on a bandwagon. 

If we absolutely must have more disaster films, I'd like them to at least be creative and, ideally, involve technological menaces.  Why can't we have


in which toasters all over America rise up as one and begin snapping their metal jaws (yeah, I know, but work with me) at their owners?  Or


in which the world's washing machines go rogue and with supercharged spin cycles and sharpened agitators (yeah, I know, but I'm on a roll) suck people into their circular maws and spit out chunks of bloody flesh?

Yeah, I'd go to those movies. 


Michelle said...

First it's zombie forest beasts and now killer household appliances? You are scaring me as I did see my vacuum cleaner eyeing me a little too closely this morning.

Mark said...

Those Hoovers are tricky buggers indeed.

steveburnett said...

The toasters could fling bagels with razor-sharp crust edges at people. With the limited range it'd be like Day of the Triffids all over again.

Rosanne said...

One of the short stories Steven King wrote was about a laundry steam mangler gone wild. (one of the summer jobs I had to earn extra college money was in a steam laundry, where one of my jobs was to send sheets, pillowcases and such through a steam mangler)

Mark said...

If the appliance films were to take off, we could have sequels (The Toasters Strike Back!), team-up flicks (Manglers and Toasters On the Prowl), and Japanese-monster-film-style bad-guy fights (Toasters vs. Manglers). The possibilities are endless.

Deb said...

There was a TV movie of Noah which was hilariously bad. Alas, the only DVD version of it cuts out chunks. It's a huge "what the...". My favorite is when they are attacked by pirates. Yo ho ho!

Mark said...

Wow. Noah with pirates. Amazing.

Kent said...

Wasn't that called Maximum Overdrive?

Mark said...

It was certainly one aspect of the greater machine menace!


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