Friday, February 8, 2013

My Bullet to the Head experience

I don't know if I'm a weirdness magnet or if I just pay closer attention to my surroundings than most folks, but I sure do manage to run into my share of odd stuff.

Take tonight, for example.  I wanted to de-stress by taking in a dumb action film.  Stallone's new (and tanking) Bullet to the Head fit the bill perfectly.  I didn't decide to go until late in the day, and none of the few people I contacted were interested in accompanying me.  No problem.  I am completely happy to watch movies (in the theater or at home) alone.

Off I went. 

I settled into my seat, my usual small (movie theater small, meaning 32 ounces) Coke Zero in hand.  I was the third person in the theater.  The other two were a guy two-thirds of the way up and a guy in the top row.  I sat in my usual spot: the first raised row, where I could put my feet on the bars in front of me.  As the first trailer was winding down, a man and a woman entered together and sat to my right and in the row immediately behind me.  The man looked happy; the woman looked put-upon.

About two-thirds of the way through the film, too much Coke Zero got the better of me, and I headed to the bathroom.  As I stood, out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of the couple behind me.  The woman's hand was moving in the man's lap.  She saw me see her, made an odd face, and quickly pulled back her hand.  The man immediately covered his lap.  I averted my gaze and headed for the restroom.

When I returned, her hands were folded primly in her lap.

I resisted the urge to give them a thumbs-up.

As far as I'm concerned, given that she was willing not only to accompany him to this movie (which the look on her face as she entered made clear was a sacrifice), but also give him a hand-job in the second row, she was aces in my book.

I do think, though, that a more isolated row might have been a better choice, as would a jacket on his lap.  Maybe a few tissues. 

Oh, if you're wondering about the movie, it was exactly what you'd expect, including a final fight between 5'8" (he claims 5'10", but I don't buy it), 66-year-old Sylvester Stallone and 6'4", 33-year-old Jason "remake Conan" Momoa, in which both wielded fireman axes.  What's not to like?  Face it, if you're even considering this movie, you already know if you'll have fun attending it.

Though entertainment from the audience can certainly liven up the evening.

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