Sunday, May 15, 2011


I know what you're thinking: why on Earth did I go to a movie with a less than 20% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes? For starters,

* Maggie Q doing her sexy fight thing
* Vampires living in a post-apocalypse desert
* Messed-up priests clinging to useless rituals from an earlier world
* Paul Bettany reprising his role as a deadly pale religious dude
* Maggie Q

If only I had known that Maggie Q was on screen for only about half an hour.

Priest is another of those movies that marches through its formulaic plot with all the silly determination and originality of Dennis Kucinich making another run at the presidency--but with none of his humor. There was never a second when you didn't know what would happen next.

I'm willing to live with that weakness, however, if a film's style or dialog or characters make up for the plot's shortcomings. The trailer for Priest gave me hope that at least its appearance might do just that, and at times it did. I was happiest when it was mixing a Planet of the Apes empty city vibe with Sergio Leone dusty desert shots. That bad guy Karl Urban dressed just like Clint Eastwood in a Leone film was another plus.

Unfortunately, we didn't get enough of those moments. The dialog was simply one cliche after another, and the characterization was dull.

Now here's the messed-up part: Despite all of that, I had a pleasant enough time. Good guys on silly motorcycles in a dusty future killed eyeless vampires. Maggie Q looked as hot as she does. Karl Urban chomped the scenery.

I can't honestly recommend you head to your local megaplex for Priest, but if you're a stone SF fan and have some free time, you've probably done worse. I sure have.

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