The top five signs you're too tired

5. You fall asleep during the sex scenes in movies. (Exceptions: any sex scene in Eyes Wide Open. I'm generally a Kubrick fan, but in that film he managed to make an orgy tedious.)

4. You have to put your alarm in a padded cage across the room so nothing you hurl at it can reach it.

3. When a work colleague asks you on Monday morning if you're all rested-up from the weekend, you momentarily consider ripping off his arm and beating him with it.

2. Your fantasy life changes from sex in exotic places to sleep in hotel rooms with really great black-out curtains.

and the strongest sign that you're just too damn tired

1. You dream of sleeping.