The rice problem

The following is a reasonably accurate transcript of my phone call earlier tonight with the young woman taking phone orders at the Pei Wei nearest me.

I am not making this up. I wish I were.

PW: Welcome to Pei Wei.

Me: I'd like to place a take-out order.

PW: How can I help you?

Me: I'd like to place a take-out order.

PW: Can I have a name for your order?

Me: Mark.

PW: Okay, what would you like?

Me: Several things. First, one order of crispy chicken.

PW: What kind of rice?

Me: White. I'd like to end up with enough white rice for six.

PW: We don't do things that way. What kind of rice would you like with the chicken?

Me: White.

PW: Is that all?

Me: No. I have several more dishes to order.

PW: Go ahead.

Me: Two orders of spring rolls.

PW: The one with two rolls, or the one with six?

Me: The large one.

PW: Both?

Me: Yes.

PW: So is that the one with two rolls, or the one with six?

Me: The one with six.

PW: Those don't come with rice.

Me: That's okay.

PW: Okay. Is that it?

Me: No. I want--

PW: So do you want something else?

Me: Yes. Two orders of orange peel beef.

PW: What kind of rice?

Me: White.

PW: Okay. It'll be ready in fifteen minutes.

Me: I'm not done.

PW: Oh, okay. So do you want something else?

Me: Yes.

PW: What would you like?

Me: An order of edamame.

PW: Is that all?

Me: No. I need to enough extra rice to bring the total to six orders of rice.

PW: We don't do it that way. The rice comes with some of them, but not with others.

Me: I understand. Surely there must be some way I can buy more rice.

PW: I have to think about it.

Me: Okay.

We pass about fifteen seconds in silence.

PW: I have an idea! I think I know how to solve the rice problem.

Me: How?

PW: I could sell you three side orders of rice.

Me: Great. I'll take them.

PW: You have to pay for them.

Me: That's fine.

PW: They're fifty cents each.

Me: That's fine.

PW: As long as you're sure. Are you sure?

Me: Yes.

PW: So, is that all?

Me: Yes.

PW: So, I have two spring roll orders of the six rolls--they don't come with rice--an order of edamame--no rice with it, either--an order of crispy chicken with white rice, two orders of orange peel beef, both with white rice, and, let me see...yes, three side orders of rice. Is that right?

Me: Yes.

PW: It'll be ready in fifteen minutes.

Me: Thank you.

When I walked into the Pei Wei, two people, one young man and one young woman, were serving a single line of people picking up their orders. I ended up with the young woman--yes, it was the same one--taking my money.

I didn't say a word. I didn't drag her over the counter. I paid, said, "Thank you," and left.

I am amazed at my own self control.