On the road again: World Fantasy Con, day 4

If you're coming to Calgary and are considering this hotel, I need to warn you about five things you should fear.

1) The elevators hate you.

You can't go up without inserting your key and then pressing the floor number. If you move quickly, you can press a few floors, but let the thing start going, and you're back to needing the card. You can almost hear the elevator laughing at each new unsuspecting victim.

2) You get a free newspaper--but read it or lose it.

When I'm in a hotel, I, like many folks, read parts of the paper in the bathroom. This bathroom has a lovely little shelf across from the toilet, a nicely finished piece of wood ideal for holding those sections of the paper you haven't read yet.

Don't trust it.

Leave your papers there, and they will take them away. I speak from experience.

3) They'll decide how many glasses you need.

I use a lot of glasses in my hotel room: two at the desk, one for water and one for Diet Coke, and a pair of water glasses by the bed. These habits are not usually a problem; hotel rooms come with four glasses, and I've paid for the right to use them.

Not here. I started with four, but the cleaning crew decided I was a glass hog. Soon, I had three, then two, then one. I asked for more, and now I'm back to four, but to keep them I must hide them. Probably not with the newspapers, though; don't want to put all my eggs in one basket.

4) They'll decide how you should manage your dirty clothes.

I hit the treadmill (hotels) or walk outside (home) six days a week. To cut down on baggage (and I do already over pack), I bring two workout shorts and two workout shirts. I hang the dirty ones over a chair to air out. I arrange them so the more recent one always has the most exposed surface area, so the wetter one will dry faster.

Uh-uh. They know best and rearrange my garments as they see fit.

Time to hide them, maybe with the newspapers, which could soak up the sweat, but not with the glasses, because, well, eeew.

5) The toilet can eat you alive.

Flush this toilet, and you better have ear protection. It starts like a 747 firing up, and then it gets louder. Don't even think about sitting on it while flushing, or you will experience birth in reverse as you get a free ride to the Calgary sewers.

Overall, this is a nice hotel, but, hey, you've been warned.