One safe bet down, one opportunity for weird remaining

Obama's pick of Joe Biden as his running mate was a nice, safe bet. Biden has good credentials, and he won't alienate a whole lot of folks. Of course, he won't attract a whole lot of people, either, but that's what you get when you go safe. Biden may also be a good partner in governing, should Obama be elected. You can come up with plenty of reasons Obama selected him.

With this pick done, however, we have only one opportunity left for running mate weirdness. McCain is probably staying up nights trying to make his pick, and I'm sure he's considering the weird factor, so I've decided to help.

He should choose Condi.

Think about it.

First, you can't get much more conservative than Condoleeza Rice without being a radio talk-show host with a major substance-abuse problem.

Second, not to point out the obvious, but she is an African-American woman. Talk about going right back at ya!

More importantly for my purpose--keeping the American political scene strange--she would look amazing in a dominatrix outfit as she came out at the Republican National Convention as a closet bisexual kink top who's pro-war and pro-life and pro everything Bush ever did. What lifestyle group wouldn't have to give her a second look? (Okay, maybe she's not a bisexual top, but one glance at her selection of boots and you know that a leather corset and a flogger are hiding somewhere in her closet.) I would watch that speech a few times; who wouldn't?

So there it is, McCain: your next running mate. Choose Condi, and hope she doesn't put the choke collar on you.

If she does, though, do it on national TV so we'll all get to see it.