On intensity

Most people who know me at some point or another tell me I'm intense. I rarely feel it. Instead, I feel like I'm a slug, accomplishing little, not pushing myself enough, holding back my emotions so I won't upset others, and generally bottling it all up inside. Apparently, I'm doing a bad job of bottling.

I have mixed feelings on this topic. On the one hand, at least for me intensity is necessary and even desirable, because I want to be passionate about life. On the other hand, making everyone around you uncomfortable is not a good thing.

As with so many things, these mixed feelings translate into internal struggles, angst that makes it hard for me to fall asleep and wakes me multiple times during the night.

I've deliberately kept this rant short and controlled, but if you catch me in person and want to talk about it, we can have a very different kind of conversation. In the meantime, I'll keep trying to hold onto my intensity while not showing so much of it to others, a lifetime battle I'm sure I shall never win.