Rules for airplane travelers
I wrote yesterday's entry yesterday but only now got around to posting it. My boarding and flight experience steamed me enough that I thought I'd offer these rules to my fellow travelers. All our lives would be better if you followed them.
* Put one carry-on bag under the seat in front of you. Yes, I know your legs would like the space; so would mine. More important, though, is leaving enough space overhead so those with two bags can store them, sit, and make it possible for the plane to take off.
* Take your seat quickly and efficiently. Don't fart around talking to your companions or fidgeting with bag placement. The angry murmur you hear is the growing rage of the people stuck behind you in the aisle.
* If the delay is due to equipment issues, shut up and be grateful they're fixing the plane rather than letting you fly with a known problem. Getting home on time is indeed important, but getting home outweighs it dramatically.
* Modulate your voice. We don't all want to hear your conversation.
* Don't lean back on a daytime flight. Most daytime travelers, particularly on weekdays, are businesspeople. We want to work. When you lean back, we can't. When the person in front of you leans back, you can't, either.
* Be gracious when someone needs to go to the restroom and you're on the aisle. You'll want the favor someday, and there's no need to penalize someone for needing to go.
* Don't blame the flight attendants for the airline's policies. Really, they aren't the ones who decided you don't get snacks any longer.
* You're not the only one with problems, so don't act like you are. If you're uncomfortable, odds are that many other people are, too. If we all act like adults and behave well, the veneer of civilization will stay in place, as it should.
More will undoubtedly come to me, but you get the idea: behave well, and travel will be better for all of us.
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6 comments:
Hey Mark! Love the list. This is your buddy Joe from LA who is doing 200K miles per year in the air, I got a few more for you...
Bathe and wear clean clothing - a little self respect goes along way and for the rest of us sitting next to smelly people sucks
Friends don't let friends fly drunk - no one wants your boozy ass drooling on them at 30,000 ft over Topeka. Moderation please.
Easy on the cell phone use - I know it is clear to use it before takeoff and after landing, but do you really want me to know that Aunt Sally is knocked up *again* this time with a man who isn’t your uncle.
Don’t make idle chatter with me - If I don’t make eye contact with you when you ask me about my life, it doesn’t mean that I don’t like you, it simply means I don’t want to talk to you. This is not a social hour and if I am not working and not sleeping then for god's sake let a man read!
Don't let your kids carry on several bags of toys or those cute Barbie roll-aboards - they don't need it, it takes up space, and all of our lives are better when children have fewer things to amuse themselves with.
Take off your shoes (if you must) but leave your socks on - I once saw a man with scaly feet shed skin all over the carpet and seat in front of him. I nearly barfed my pretzels.
Don't chat up the ladies - Just because she is sitting next to you doesn’t mean she is a contestant on the dating game.
Carry-on food - An increasing must for many travelers but please try for stuff that is not going to get on my clothes or have a strong identifiable odor. I am going directly to a meeting when we get off this plane while you get to go see uncle Moe. Guess who will be more upset to have your clam chowder splashed on them.
Added Food note - Open all liquids pointed away from you (and me). A lifetime of travel has taught me that Yogurt containers at 30,000 feet will spray like a sawed off shotgun
Don't stand in one spot in the aisle to stretch your legs - no one really wants your ass at their head level while you try to touch the ceiling. Walk to the back and keep on moving.
Keep your kids under control - I have great sympathy of mothers with crying babies as they struggle with embarrassment trying desperately to quiet little Susie down. I have no tolerance of parents of 10 year olds who sit in another aisle from their kids and let the monsters kick the back of my seat and otherwise act like little apes.
Don't fart - just because the engine is loud does not mean I don’t know what you just did.
Nice list, Joe. I have to agree with all of them.
I believe that next to the luggage sizer the airlines need to have an ass sizer. If your ass does not fit you must either buy another seat or check your ass.
That's a luggage compartment you would not want to visit.
This entry had my entire family laughing out loud. We travel a lot for pleasure and one of the longest trips we went on was a few years ago to Austria. It was a 5 leg trip there that turned into a 6 leg flight because of a medical emergency (drunken, drugged passenger -we landed at a military base in Greenland to drop her off). The 6 leg trip back was basically uneventful.
But, that's not the funny bit. my husband exploded a yogurt all over us. Yes, it happens to everyone.
ONCE.
Nice, Ticia. I've avoided the exploding yogurt--and hope to continue to do so.
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