Saturday, February 8, 2014

My favorite spam yet

The other day I received what remains my favorite spam email message yet:  An offer from a funeral home to help me with my "special event."  These folks, the message made clear, were standing by to help me in my time of need.

Now, as good fortune would have it, no one in my family has died recently.  The message made me wonder, therefore, exactly what my special event was, and how a funeral home might help me. 

I then recalled that I'm heading out for a short trip next week, so that had to be my special event. 

Maybe the funeral home has branched out into related areas, such as travel planning.  They could specialize in the very most dangerous sorts of trips.  Sure, I could fly American Airlines to Portland as I always do, but wouldn't I rather be the first to attempt the same trip in a small prop plane with a blindfolded pilot whose lover recently dumped her and whose veins are pulsing with crystal meth? 

If not travel, perhaps they're offering packing services.  It's not that far a leap from filling coffins with well-dressed corpses to coming to my house, suggesting outfits for my trip, and folding them neatly for transport in my small suitcase.

Maybe make-overs is their new business, and this message is a clear statement that I am far from looking my best and in serious need of a waxy skin treatment.

So many possibilities.  I do hope they email me again with more information.

1 comment:

Michelle said...

I think my favorite spams are the ones offering to enhance my non-existent male genital so that I be with all those naked European coeds that are waiting to meet me and I can pay for it all with the $30,000,000 I make from the exiled Nigerian government official's wife who is looking for a kind person to help her retrieve all her money that is stuck in limbo. Of oourse, I could become a drug runner by buying all the drugs being offered online without a prescription. The opportunities are endless!


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