Thursday, February 21, 2013

Would you like a guard with that waffe?

I have an odd affection for Waffle Houses, the little yellow-fronted buildings where you can get a sad breakfast at any hour.  I particularly like them at holidays, when their jukeboxes have--or, at least, had in the past--Waffle-house-ized versions of seasonal songs.  I like that Bill Hicks picked on them.

Even I, however, will have to think twice about going into any Waffle House with a security surcharge.  Yes, the Waffle House in Underground Atlanta is now adding a 20% fee to each customer's visit to help pay for a guard the owners clearly feel is necessary. 

Many people are decrying this move, but I see it as an interesting precedent for other potential Waffle House improvements.  Add 5%, and the cook won't flick his ashes into your hash browns.  For an additional 5%, the waitress won't cough on your food as she carries it.  Want today's bread for your toast?  Just chuck in another 10%.  The possibilities are myriad. 

The best part of all of this is that the Waffle House instituted this fee back in mid-December.  Let's face it, nothing says "Waffle House Christmas" like a guard and a 20% surcharge for paying him or her. 

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