Saturday, October 9, 2010

Man food vs. vegetarians

Early this morning, Scott had to take the SAT. As probably all of you know, getting up at six-thirty is not a great way to start your Saturday. It turned worse when they made him wait over an hour before he could begin the test, wouldn't allow him to get any tissue to blow his nose (he's fighting a cold), and then, of course, kept him a full hour late.

As we were driving away from the school where he took the test, we both agreed that one cure was in order: man food.

Thus it was that, quite a few miles and minutes later, we found ourselves sitting under an umbrella behind a local sandwich shop staring at this vision of loveliness.


(Click on either picture to see a huge image of it)

Two cheese steaks, one with three varieties of cheese, and, yes, bacon cheese fries fresh from the fryer.

Holy crap, it was good!

As we were shoving this ultra-high-calorie feast down our yaps, we were discussing vegetarians. Scott opined, and I agreed, that though in principle it would be good for both his health and the planet for him to be one, he couldn't make the change, because he loved the taste of meat too much. We then wandered into this bit of conversation:

Scott: I asked some vegetarians if they missed the taste of meat, and they said no. So then I said, "Not even bacon?" They still said no.

Me: That's clearly not natural.

Scott (nodding): That's when it hit me: vegetarians aren't people!

Me: Your wisdom is growing, grasshopper.
We went on to ponder how our many friends who are dieting madly (which, believe it or not, I am doing most days of the week, but not this weekend with Scott and not on trips) would react to this meal. We decided it was good that they could not reach us to try to kill us.

By the way, lest any of you accuse me of irresponsible parenting for consuming and/or providing such a high-fat meal, let me point out that I had all the angles covered: less than ten feet from our table stood this truck:


Semper parataus, my friends, semper paratus.

Damn, it was a good lunch.





(IMPORTANT NOTE: In case you missed it, this was a humor piece. I have many vegetarian friends. My daughter is a vegetarian. I'm just having a little fun here.

If you're still pissed, try some bacon. It would make you feel better.)

14 comments:

J. Griffin Barber said...

I could easily be a vegetarian until the first time I smelled bacon frying...or Kentucky BBQ... oh god, I'm drooling on the keyboard now. Must clean up.

Dan Campbell said...

This has just taken a rather sour day and made me smile. :-) Not to mention a day in which I made grits and thick-cut bacon for lunch--regretted it later, but damn it was good at the time! Thank you, Mark!

Ticia said...

Alyssa had her SATs today too. We had soup at Whole Foods when she was done.

Signed,
A Responsible Parent

(Soooo tongue in cheek- we split a burger, shake, and onion rings last night. )

Mark said...

Griffin, I share those sentiments. Also, steaks, great sausages...crud, I drooled, too.

Mark said...

Whew, Ticia. For a minute there, I was worried for Alyssa.

Mark said...

Dan, you're welcome--and that grits-and-bacon dish sounds awesome.

Anonymous said...

SATs here in New Jersey yesterday also. Post test feast consisted of burgers, buffalo wings and various other apps at a local Applebees. Not as good as yours but good none the less. By the way, yugut, salad, chicken and water all week long should be rewarded with some sort of beef on the weekend....Chris....

Mark said...

Chris, that feast sounds pretty darn good. And, I have to agree: into each weekend, a little red meat should come.

Michelle said...

Wait, no cheese on the fries? How can you not have bacon and cheese covering that mound of goodness? At least a bowl of gravy to dip them in. If you are going to eat badly, do it right!

Mark said...

Michelle, the fries did indeed have both bacon and cheese on them.

Michelle said...

I enlarged the photo and did indeed see a small amount of cheese with the bacon bits. Hah! You need gobs of oozing cheese, bubbling off the sides and burning your fingers when you pick the fries up to eat them. That's cheese fries! Although, the cheese steaks look really good as well.

Mark said...

Prior to the photo, the cheese was more obvious, but it had melted further and soaked the lower fries. It was awesome.

Laura said...

After my triathlon yesterday, Paul and I and the friends who came to cheer me on went for lunch--at Five Guys, where I had a bacon burger and fries, and I'm totally not apologizing for it. :)

Mark said...

Ater a triathlon, you certainly should not apologize!

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