Friday, August 13, 2010

More lessons from my spam

(WARNING: Adult language and topics ahead. Kids, stop reading.)

As I've commented in several earlier posts, a torrent of spam rains on my systems daily. I run a spam filter, and it works for the most part, but I still need to scan the spam subject lines lest I accidentally lose a real message related to one of my jobs.

From this scanning, I've learned a lot. I've reviewed some of those lessons in those earlier entries, but new messages arrive all the time and bring with them new lessons. Here are a few recent jewels of enlightenment.

Dozens of people every day discover my FaceBook page and want to be my friend.

What a shame I'm not on FaceBook. These invitations, though, certainly make me want to join. If I'm this popular without a page, just think how many friends I could have after I create one! I'm positively giddy at the prospect.

The key to getting promoted is to make my penis larger.

As the co-owner of a company with no investors, I have no way to get promoted, so this one puzzles me a bit. Still, it could shed light on why I never made it to CEO at any other company.

Of course, this also explains the glass ceiling in many organizations for women.

Industrial machines are really cheap if you know how to shop.

Forget buying from manufacturers or companies going out of business; the real key to savings is to shop with Chinese and German manufacturers who bring descriptions, including pictures, of their machines directly to your email.

My mortgage needs protection--and they can provide it.

Wow, who knew insurance was this easy? Too bad I own my house outright and don't have a mortgage.

Polish women really want to meet me.

My earlier offers came primarily from Russians, so clearly my fame is spreading. I may soon have to move to Eastern Europe and take up my career as a sex god.

If my penis isn't ten inches long, it's not up to average--but they can help.

Hmmm. If the average is ten inches, then a whole lot of people are walking around well below the norm. And, somewhere there are men with monster cocks to bring the average up to ten inches.

On balance, I feel the quality of my spam has continued to decline. I'm waiting for something new and innovative. Spammers, rise to the challenge!


John Lambshead said...

I keep receiving spam offering to increase the length of my puny organ - and viagra. I started to develop a complex about it until i discovered my (female) assistant was getting them as well.

J. Griffin Barber said...

I want eggs and SPAM.

Mark said...

John, we, too, have noticed that our spam ignores whether the recipient has the relevant equipment.

Mark said...

Griffin, would they be green eggs?

Michelle said...

Apparently no one cares about the length of my penis nor if i would care to buy vicodin online, however, i have a huge following of people who want me to hold their money in my bank accoujt as their country wants to take it from them and my new official salutation is Dear Madame Friend. Who knew I was so popular? By the way, if you want some hot naked women that want to become your friend and send photos, I can forward those emails to you! I try to stick with hot naked foreign investors.

Mark said...

Going with hot naked foreign investors is a sound practice indeed.


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