Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - WTF?

Yes, a small but hardy group of us went last night to see this summer blockbuster--and, if our nearly sold-out audience was any indication, blockbuster it will indeed be.

Yes, it was as brainless and stupid and loud and action-packed as one might expect from a Michael Bay sequel. After all, he had the first movie to help him leech any lingering tiny shards of plot or logic from the Transformers concept so that in this second one he could focus entirely on spectacle.

Despite its dumbness, however, the movie did not arouse in me boredom or annoyance or any other reaction so much as a single question: What the fuck?

As in

WTF with the leg-humping Decepticon? Since when did even the bad robots turn cute?

WTF with the geography? Did any of these people even consider looking at a map of northern Afria?

WTF with Megan Fox's lips? She can run two miles through the desert, dodging explosions and bursts of sand at every turn, and her insanely pouting lips--were they real or CGI?--still exhibit exactly the same impossible amount of gloss?

WTF with the shared Transformers/human semi-afterlife? What is the source of the power of dead Transformers to grant life to other dead beings, provided, of course, that they're human? Dead Transformers appear to be SOL.

WTF with Megan Fox's complete lack of animation in any scene that wasn't a close-up? Don't take my word for it; if you go to the movie, watch her carefully. If the camera is on her, her lips leap to pouty glossed attention. When she's in the background, she goes as slack as a Terminator with his power source pulled. Maybe she's been studying with Awnald.

Yet at the end of the film, a good quarter of our audience applauded.

We just kept asking each other, "WTF?"

I must add here that I had the same "WTF?" reaction to Crank 2, but that film through attitude and style transcended its nonsensical nature and leapt the enormous canyon from truly terrible to amazingly terrific, an Evel Knievel stunt of film transformation if ever I've seen one. So, I'm willing to go along with movies that make no sense, as long as they do it in a fun and at least tonally consistent way.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen did not, however, make the leap. Instead, it crashed into the canyon floor in a booming burst of sound and color.

If you feel in the mood to watch the most heavily glossed lips so far this century and possibly the most and loudest explosions to boot, don't miss this film spectacle.

Just leave your reasoning at home.