In the event of a zombie apocalypse
are you ready? Do you have a plan?
We are, and we do--facts that surprised my interviewer during our conversation that will one day appear as a Balticon podcast.
A few folks have asked me what the plan is, so I thought I'd share the basics:
* We hear the news.It's a sound plan, and it's ours.
* We gather all of our extended family members who are near our house. (This includes my daughter's friend, Katharine.)
* We assume Kyle has done his part and is driving himself and his guns to meet us.
* We caravan to Dave's, which sits on about 21 acres and has clear lines of sight in all directions--as well as many guns.
* We hole up there and take turns on watch.
* If it shambles, we shoot it.
If it's not obvious, and if you're trying to join us at the compound after the zombie apocalypse hits, you should make sure you yell coherent sentences and don't walk in any way that resembles shambling.
We warned you.
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20 comments:
Good God..First we had to worry about Bush, Cheney and Obama and now we have to worry about zombies...In the film "Night of the Living Dead", didn't the sole survivor come out of the house yelling and screaming and they still shot him in the head? I guess one man's strut is another man's shamble.
That just cracked me up. Thank you kindly!
-AmyL
Zombies don't speak in full sentences, so I suggest a very human-like stroll and a lot of loud conversation should you need to approach our compound.
Thanks, Amy. What's your zombie plan?
your blog prompted quite a lot of back and forth on the subject. I'm all about the baseball bat as means of defense while others liked the shovel and spatula in a pinch. My plan doesn't extend much further than that which is most likely a big problem. As my friend stated "zombie fodder".
cheers-amyL
Yessss.
(Also Katharine's name is spelled with an "a" after the "h," like Katharine Hepburn.)
The bat gets you too close. The shotgun if you must be that near them, or the heavy-caliber machine-gun if you can maintain distance, would be my choices.
Yikes! I knew better. I've edited the post, though, so only those who read the comments will know of my spelling shame.
I'm a little concerned that food hasn't been mentioned. I'm not coming if you don't have an extensive food plan.
As for weapons, would catapulted acid-balloons work? I don't want to get too near, and I know they have to be hacked to pieces, so I'd rather just dissolve them. Maybe we can find a way to hook up something to the sprinklers.
We'd only be okay on stored food for a little while, but we have this covered. First, Gina and I own almost 83 acres right across the gravel road, and plenty of deer live there. Then, as the zombies eat all the surrounding, poorly armed household members, we can raid their stores.
Acid is hard to handle and would hurt any sprinkler system.
Land mines, on the other hand, might well be in order as a first line of defense.
Regarding food, we expect there to be lots of zombies. It's the south. Anything tastes good once it's been breaded and fried.
Acid is likely to turn a zombie into a pissed-off acid-dripping zombie.
A land mine is likely to turn a stand-up zombie into a legless crawler. Possibly a legless crawler that's catapulted toward you by the force of the explosion.
Melee weapons are just going to get you overwhelmed and bitten. But don't worry, I'll shoot you in the head before you turn.
For any remaining survivors, I strongly recommend a small-caliber high-capacity semiautomatic rifle, such as an AR-15. I know some people who swear you're better off with a flamethrower, so that's also an option. Did you know flamethrower ownership is entirely unregulated by federal law? True fact!
Good points about the land mines; they're out. We'll go for guns that can take off their heads.
Rana was also pushing flame throwers (email me where I can buy one), so we should probably put back a few of them.
You guys are freaking scary.....You have put way too much thought into this! I don't know if I want a deep fried zombie burger. Maybe if it was dipped in chocolate.
wow, I was so inspired, I just finished watching Shaun of the Dead, again. He did pretty well with the cricket bat, also there were some nice shots with a nine iron. You are completely right though, you're just too up close and personal. There was mention of molotov coctails, maybe in extreme need - they seemed messy. I like the land mines idea but that will take years to fix once the madness is over. Rocket Launchers perhaps? You could take out quite a few at once....amyL
I really think that some sort of pole with say, a mace or three, mounted so that they can spin freely. The zombies show up, the poles start spinning (like a windmill only closer to the ground with a weapon attached.) Zombies aren't smart. The windmills start loping off zombie parts so there's less to shoot as they get closer.
Fried zombie, I don't care HOW much breading you do, is NOT food. So *not* food. Sure people fry octopus and alligator, but really, it's not food either.
I hate to count on other people's food stores. I have a friend that once asked me, "Why do you have an extra freezer anyway? If you want food, just go to the store. What is the point in buying all that stuff and putting it in the freezer?"
Yes, she tended to have to shop or eat out EVERY day.
Chocolate zombie toes! Yum.
The zombie grenade launcher! Excellent idea.
Hmmm...rotating zombie decapitating blades. Very nice. Sharpen up those windmills, boys; we got zombies comin'!
Claymores would work better than landmines. They can be set up to blast away from the defenders and are easier to dismantle.
Excellent point, though I do fear ending up with zombie parts that can still crawl. Gotta watch those zombie leftovers.
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