Doing the time warp for health

First, a correction: Pam pointed out that Tomorrow's Voices actually appeared in 1984, not 1983 as I'd incorrectly written. I fixed the error in yesterday's blog entry, so now it reads correctly, but for those of you who've already read that post, I wanted to note the change.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled program.

As you may recall, I hurt my back rather badly. I'm still recovering and far from fully healed, but I am getting better. As part of this recovery, the chiropractor has been inventing new forms of torture and humiliation for me. Monday, for example, he dug his knuckles into the largest muscle of my butt, pushed until I squeaked, and then said, "You have a tight ass." Insert your own joke here; I won't do it for you.

The exercises, however, have provided the greatest opportunities for mockery. First, he gave me my lying pelvic thrusts: Lie down. Pull your feet closer to your body so your knees are up and your thighs are at a forty-five-degree angle to the floor. Put your hands beside you, palms up, so you're not using them to help. Tighten your abs. Do a slight pelvic thrust, holding at the top for a count of three. Do ten total.

Being caught on my office floor doing this is just so much fun.

The other exercise is even tougher to justify when you're caught, unless the person catching you is a movie fan. Stand with your legs a little bit wider than your shoulders. Turn your toes inward so you're as pigeon-toed as you can go (which in my case is a lot). Put your hands on your hips. Thurst your pelvis slightly forward and stand very straight. Tighten your glutes and hold for a count of twenty. Repeat three times.

Yes, it's a stationary time warp dance. I look like a refugee from The Rocky Horror Picture Show frozen in fear as he tries to stop Dr. Frank-N-Furter from ambushing him from behind.

I can't wait to see what other exercises the sadist has designed for me.