Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Why I don't take selfies: A story in four pictures

Quite a few readers of this blog have bugged me over the years to post more pictures of myself, particularly when I'm in interesting places or at fancy restaurants.  Earlier tonight, as I was enjoying a delicious meal at Pau Qui's new(ish) place, Kuneho, I recalled these messages as I stared at my mocktail umbrella drink.

Click an image to see a larger version.

The umbrella spoke to me.  I thought, hey, I'd look quite jaunty with that in my hair.

I then realized I have such short hair that I'd have to settle for putting the umbrella behind my ear, but I figured that would do just fine.

So I took this first selfie.

Now, please understand that this is my expression as I'm eating a wonderful dinner.  Despite how I look, I am in this moment rather happy.

I stared at the image on my phone and thought, hmmm, that's not the happiest expression, nor is it the most awake look.  Perhaps it's my eyes, I thought, which appear entirely too small here!

Upon which realization I shot this next pic.

One glance at this one was enough to tell me that I now looked slightly more menacing.  Again, though, for no clear reason I fixated on my eyes, which still seemed too small.

Time for another shot.

The best thing I can say about this one is that I achieved the goal of not having such small eyes.  Unfortunately, I did so at the cost of looking like a serial killer who's just broken out of maximum security and has been off his meds for about a month, living in the wild by scooping up road kill and eating it raw, bones and all.

At this point, wisdom prevailed, and I stopped taking selfies.

I think you will agree with me on two points:

1. I should not take selfies.
2. I rock an umbrella behind my ear.

Okay, maybe you will agree with me on only one of those.


Michelle said...

Ummm.... maybe you shouldn't go to public places where you will be recognized from your wanted posters. Although, you do rock an umbrella garnish.

Mark said...

Most of those posters date from when my hair was dark, so I feel safe.

old aggie said...

...and this is yet another reason your blog is so enjoyable to read! You crack me up!

Bur srsly, I have kind of the opposite problem: my face is so expressive that - well, let's just say I should never play poker. I just find it difficult to "maintain a calm demeanor" when everything is so darned interesting, ya know?

Sometimes I think I should contact those photo houses that make the "cutout characters" for e-learning and volunteer to model, if they ever need an aging, ordinary-looking caucasian woman. Maybe earn me some pin money for retirement by making snarky faces? It'd be super-easy. ;-)

Mark said...

Sounds like you have a second career waiting!


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