Bad Santa and writing

As I've mentioned in several previous entries, one of the two movies I re-watch every Christmas season is the black comedy, Bad Santa.  Last year, I gave five good reasons to watch the film.  This year, I want to offer, intentionally without context, five lines--among many, many great ones--that always work for me.

Warning:  Bad Santa uses all the words and is full of coarse scenes.

Now, to those lines.

1. I'm going back upstairs.  I need a melon baller and a loofah.
2. No, I love the hat.
3. She lives in God's house with Jesus and Mary and the ghost and the long-eared donkey and Joseph and the talking walnut.
4. What a man does with his own penis--Oval Office, Women's Big & Tall--it's not for the American people to say.
5. I want a gorilla named Davey for beating up the skateboard kids who pull on my underwear. He could take his orders from the talking walnut, so it wouldn't be my bad thing.

In context, they're both odder and funnier than they are here.

As long as you can stand sex and violence and trigger words and foul language, Bad Santa is an amazing comedy.