Five signs that your neck is too big

5.  NFL players whistle in awe and ask what neck-training regimen you follow.

4.  Small children wonder aloud how your head stays on without a neck.

3.  No dress shirt's collar will close unless you start with a garment five sizes bigger than what you wear and have the tent tailored into something that fits your body.

2.  ENT specialists demand triple-time if they have to work on it.

1.  European assassins have to bring garrote extenders when they come to kill you.