Saturday, July 26, 2014

Some basic airplane etiquette tips

Given how much time I spend on airplanes, it's probably inevitable that I have more than my share of strange air-travel stories.  Even so, the four flights this past week were doozies.  From them, I've come to realize that more travelers than I would ever have guessed are in need of a few basic travel etiquette tips. 

So, for those who are wondering how to behave on a plane, please do not do any of the following (yes, while in airplane aisles going to and from restrooms I saw people doing all of these things this past week): 

Clip your toenails.  I understand the desire to be efficient with your time, but, really, this little task can wait until you're home or in your hotel room.  The woman doing this was oblivious to the little pieces of nail that were flying into the shirts and faces--yes, faces--of the people on either side of her. 

I will give her points for flexibility, because she had her foot within six inches of her face.  Maybe she couldn't reach her glasses for trimming from a longer distance, or maybe she just prefers to work up close and personal with her toes.  I couldn't tell. 

Paint your toenails.  No, I'm not talking about phase two of the actions of a single toe-obsessed traveler.  An entirely different woman did this on a different flight from the first.  She shared with the other woman an utter indifference for the comfort of her row-mates, both of whom were holding napkins over their noses against the nasty smell of the polish. 

This woman also possessed a fair amount of flexibility, though she couldn't quite reach her face with her foot.

Paint your fingernails.  Different digits, same odor problem.  Seriously, folks, do we need reminders not to do body maintenance in crowded shared spaces?

Apparently so, as this next tip demonstrates.

Pop zits on your belly.  Though the man doing this had a huge stomach, this tip applies regardless of your weight.  If for some reason you simply must pop a pimple on a plane, head to the restroom, and do it in private.  None of us want to watch you do it.

If you absolutely must do this in your seat, please at least have the decency to clean up the back of the tray in front of you. 

Sorry about that image.  You'll never again look at a small splotch on the back of an airplane tray the same way. 

Hold your cock while you sleep.  Sure, we all love ourselves, and sometimes that love turns physical.  Fair enough.  Settling into your airplane seat, putting your hand in your pants, grabbing your cock, and falling asleep, though, is a self-love step too far. 

It is also a sure way to make the person in the seat next to you stay awake, because they will absolutely want to know where that hand is going next. 

I sincerely hope not to have more tips to share after next week's flights. 


Rosanne said...

OMGosh, especially the last item!

Anonymous said...

hope your next flying experience is much better. take care

Mark said...

The experience wasn't so much bad as more interesting than I would have preferred.


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