Friday, November 23, 2012

Red Dawn

Walking out of the theater the other day, having spent almost two hours watching this fine piece of American patriotic theater, we worked together to craft a review that could capture the essence of Red Dawn. In the end, though, we were able to agree only on a few key points:

  • It was a movie.
  • Images indeed moved on the screen. 
  • Shit blew up. 
  • Director Dan Bradley and the various contributing writers are honey badgers when it comes to such minor details as logic, reason, continuity, sensibility, believability, and so on.
  • Josh Peck is so annoying, so very, very annoying, that from here on if we notice a new movie includes him, we'll probably give it a pass.  I was rooting for the North Korean and Russian invaders to kill his character. 
  • The movie utterly wasted Chris Hemsworth's greatest talent by never having him take off his shirt.
We were unable to agree on many other notable issues, including
  • The single stupidest scene in the movie.
  • Whether the filmmakers completely ignored technology and did whatever they wanted whenever they wanted, or if they simply were that ignorant of how tech works.  
  • Whether Adrianne Palicki or Isabel Lucas could show more teeth when she smiled. 
  • Whether there is any movie Chris Hemsworth won't make for a paycheck.
  • The best way to kill Josh Peck. 
Amazingly, we had a pleasant time watching Red Dawn, particularly once we realized it was an unintentional comedy. 

Decide for yourself whether to go, but if you do, leave your brain at the door.

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