Assault Girls

As regular readers know, each time Kyle visits, we splurge on bad movies in late shows. In each of those splurges, some movies stand out. Last night's feature, Assault Girls garnered the prize for the single weirdest and worst film in a crop of strange, bad movies. It was bad enough that even though it is Japanese and lasted only 70 minutes, Scott bailed early, and we were all convinced we'd been sitting for hours.

The summary on the box looked interesting enough: three hot Japanese women fight strange creatures in a more-or-less download-your-brain video-game world. What's not to like?

For starters, the almost 20 minutes of prologue before the title, during most of which time an overly dramatic voice-over narrator recapped the history of the previous several decades and the rise of a Pax Technologica.

The endless walks through a boring desert also didn't help, nor did the largely tedious male character; his best moment came when he was eating a snail--an important moment in the film, sadly--and chowing down on bacon and eggs.

I could go on, but you get the point: Unless you simply want to bathe in the weird waters of strange Japanese cinema and have exhausted every other available film, give this one a wide pass.