Alternating realities
I'm so tired I often dream of sleeping.
I'm so bursting with energy that on the morning walk in the blistering heat it's all I can do to stay with the others.
I stare into the mirror and see every gray hair, the white beard, the lines around my eyes, the fat body I've accreted.
I stare at the world and want to kick its ass, my mind pulsing and my body quivering with the rage of youth.
I listen, nod, and do my best to be wise, caring, helpful.
I listen, nod, and inside scream, want to kill, want to run.
I yearn for solitude, dream of flying to an island I've never visited and hiding in a hotel that will accept cash and never ask my name.
I wish I could love better all those who matter most to me, who deserve more and better than I have ever given them.
It's like that inside me, all the time, all the time.
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10 comments:
Your not alone brother. Most of us would never put it in writing like you just did. Man, I am looking at myself as I read this....Chris....
Did you get the new i-phone 4 yet? Did you ever get an i-pad? By the way, I'd like to come to the fireworks show but since I live in NJ that won't be possible. I am hoping to live the experience through the blog. Maybe video blog it? Have a great weekend....Chris....
It's good not to be alone.
Sorry you can't make it, Chris. We should have pictures, but I'm not sure about video; I'll have to look into it.
I did get the iPhone 4G, and I quite like it. Ditto the iPad. I love tech toys!
Ha, use your new iphone, only kidding. I guess your never really alone. You may think you are but when you have a loving family and good friends, your not. I hope you do a book signing in the New York area some day as I would really enjoy meeting you.....Chris...
Posts like this one are the reason 'Behind Blue Eyes' is a good song, regardless of whether it's The Who or Limp Bizkit performing it.
I often wonder what other people's internal monologue is, and now I know yours.
I'm in awe of you for putting that out there. I'm very, very proud of you. I may not feel (consciously) the same level of feelings as you do, but what you say resonates with me. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks, Chris. I will hope to one day do a signing there and get to meet you.
I agree, Griffin, though I would say that's only part of my monologue.
Thanks for the kind words, Ticia.
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