Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Animal House Life

You probably think Animal House is only a movie, a simple, frat-boy comedy artifact of the late 70's, when National Lampoon still mattered to the college crowd and John Belushi hadn't yet offed himself.

You probably think that, and so do your friends.

You're all wrong.

Sure, Animal House may have appeared to be only a film, but it's actually much, much more.

It's a guide to life, a slightly encrypted handbook, a hidden-in-plain-sight map that shows the path to happiness and prosperity. It contains the answers to the questions that have plagued you for your entire adult life, that even now hold you back and stop you from realizing your full potential, the big questions, such as

Why does my life suck so much?

How can I stop being depressed?

Why does no one like me? (Some probably pretend they do, but you know better.)

Why does my boss give me all the shit jobs?

Who's to blame for making me so fat?

Why can HBO make so many good series when the networks can't?
Whatever the forces that are keeping you down, making you poor, putting all that blubber on your gut and ass, keeping your diet to discount mac and cheese while those rich jerks eat fancy Japanese beef--no matter what's hurting you, Animal House has the answers.

The trick, of course, is knowing how to decrypt the film.

That's why you need this book. In it, over the course of a few simple chapters I'll reveal these secrets. Armed with them, you'll be able to
Dig out of your depression!

Make real friends--and with people you actually like!

Tell off your boss and get a better job!

Lose those extra pounds!

And even learn the secret's behind HBO's series successes!
All you have to do is turn the page, read on, and put into action the astonishing lessons of this fine film.

All you have to do is live the Animal House Life.

Let's get to it!

NOTE: If the above makes no sense to you, go read yesterday's post.


Michelle said...

Really? So you know "The Secret"? Oh, do share....

Mark said...

Nope. I just know how to help needy readers live the Animal House Life.


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