Why so many writers don't want to discuss works in progress

Last night's entry prompts an obvious question from friends, family, and acquaintances of writers: if talking about your writing is so tempting, why don't you discuss it with me? Most of those people, as well, believe it or not, as almost total strangers, would be happy to discuss works in progress with writers, to offer their inputs, to make available their services for proofreading or story development, and so on.

So why don't more writers take up people on these offers?

The answer is simple but harsh: we don't want their input. In fact, in many cases, we not only don't want it, it has the potential to infuriate us. If it's bad input, it's distracting and a time waster, because now you have to explain why it's bad. If it's good input, at certain moments it can be quite useful, but at others it can be devastating, because sometimes all that keeps a writer going is the belief that if he or she can just hold together a bit longer the fragile world web in his or her head, it can make it onto the screen/paper/whatever. An idea that points out a flaw can trash that whole world.

Now, with a complete draft in hand, that same idea might force a major rewrite, but it's now a useful idea, one that you're applying to something real--a manuscript--to create a better draft. It's no longer a nuclear bomb headed at the ethereal creation in your mind. (Put differently, critiques may be useful and important, but timing matters.)

As best I can tell, the union of all of these behaviors means that writers are frequently unfair and even unbearable on the topic of their work to those closest to them. I try hard not to be that way, but I know I sometimes (often?) am. I've seen a lot of artists of all sorts use their art as an excuse to be assholes, and I don't believe in that excuse at all; no one has a right to be a jerk. Of course, all of us sometimes are.

If nothing else, maybe these two entries will help explain some of the behaviors of writers--and remind those of us who are writers to keep trying not to put our friends in these difficult positions.