Saturday, December 5, 2015

Another movie I very much want to see

Kyle turned me on to this upcoming Shane Black film, which looks like just my cup of comic action tea.

May could be a very good film month indeed.

Friday, December 4, 2015

Bad Santa and writing

As I've mentioned in several previous entries, one of the two movies I re-watch every Christmas season is the black comedy, Bad Santa.  Last year, I gave five good reasons to watch the film.  This year, I want to offer, intentionally without context, five lines--among many, many great ones--that always work for me.

Warning:  Bad Santa uses all the words and is full of coarse scenes.

Now, to those lines.

  1. I'm going back upstairs.  I need a melon baller and a loofah.
  2. No, I love the hat.
  3. She lives in God's house with Jesus and Mary and the ghost and the long-eared donkey and Joseph and the talking walnut.
  4. What a man does with his own penis--Oval Office, Women's Big & Tall--it's not for the American people to say.
  5. I want a gorilla named Davey for beating up the skateboard kids who pull on my underwear. He could take his orders from the talking walnut, so it wouldn't be my bad thing.
In context, they're both odder and funnier than they are here.

As long as you can stand sex and violence and trigger words and foul language, Bad Santa is an amazing comedy.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

I know I shouldn't get my hopes up

and I know that a movie based on DC characters is likely to let me down, but I don't care.  I wanted to see this film before this new trailer appeared, and now I want to see it even more.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is currently due to debut a little after my birthday, which would be a nice late gift indeed.

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

My unsolicited advice to Hollywood

Spread your Christmas goodies a little more evenly around the month!

I understand the desire to open a big film on Christmas Day, but does every studio have to succumb to that temptation?  This year, almost all of the best movies of December will open that week, while this weekend and the following one are devoid of hot films.

It's fair to want to avoid opening against the blockbuster that the new Star Wars movie will be, but it's staked out the 18th, so the prior two weekends were available for other big releases to claim.

Listen up, Hollywood studios:  If you want to maximize your revenue from movie fans, do a better job of scheduling.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

To Star Wars or not to Star Wars

The question does not refer to the upcoming new movie, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, because I am definitely going to see that film.  No, I'm pondering whether to go back and re-watch the original movies--by which, of course, I mean Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, and The Return of the Jedi.  (I have seen the three prequels but don't expect to watch them again.)

Normally, I would re-screen an original film series before viewing the latest installment, both for fun and so I had the originals clear in my mind.  In this case, though, the only copies available to buy are the versions Lucas bastardized with new effects, changes, additions, and so on.  I'm not interested in seeing any of those mods.  I want the originals.

Such tough choices.

(Before anyone yells at me about being insensitive, yes, I'm joking, and yes, I do understand that lots of people face real problems.  I'm joking.)

Monday, November 30, 2015

For multiple people, for multiple reasons

tonight I need to post this classic song.


Sunday, November 29, 2015

Thanksgiving Cone Man gives no thanks

At a time when we should all be celebrating the beauty of fall and giving thanks for all we have, the Cone Man is doing none of those things.  Instead, he's plotting world conquest once again, this time with his latest henchthing, the metal dragon.

Click an image to see a larger version.

Do not be fooled by the size of the metal dragon, for though it is short, it is also fearsome--and now it is under Cone Man's sway.  The damage these two could do to our world, nay, to the very fabric of our reality, is impossible to measure.

Fortunately for all of us, Holden is, as always, on the job.

At first, he tried to reason with both metal dragon and then Cone Man.

Sadly, that approach failed.

Being a prudent dog hero, Holden then inspected the perimeter for additional troublemakers--a wise move, because Cone Man has been known to summon allies from other dimensions.

Happily, Holden found no additional conspirators.

He tried once again to reason with the dastardly duo, but once again, he failed.

They were having none of reason.

Finally, forced to employ drastic measures, Holden backed up to the metal dragon and explained exactly what horrors he would rain on the dragon should the dragon not cease and desist from all plotting.

The dragon, being metal, quickly realized that Holden, being male, would be all to happy to deliver the Rust-Inducing Dog Piss Rain of Doom (TM pending by Holden), and agreed to a truce.

Metal dragon now serves as Holden's lieutenant, keeping a watchful eye on Cone Man, and the world is now safe once again--thanks to Holden--from Cone Man's machinations.

For now.


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