Yoga lies

Once a week, a group of us gather at my house and take yoga from a teacher who is willing to come to us. I suck at it, but I enjoy the work and am slowly improving. I have to tell the world, though, that yoga sits on a throne of lies.

Think about it: Yoga purports to be all mellow and go-with-the-flow, like a bad jazz AM station. What it really is, however, is what any at all serious physical training must be: torture.

Consider these sample statements from our teacher and what they really mean.

Let your arm float up any amount.

Push it up there, stretch it as far as you can, and then stretch it some more. I said more. More!

Enjoy that position for a few more breaths.

Stay there until your whole body is trembling and you can't do it any longer--and then a few seconds more. More! Didn't you hear me say more!

Challenge yourself.

Push! Don't stop. It doesn't matter if it hurts. Just do it!

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Now, having said all that, let me be clear: I really enjoy the class. I like our teacher. I hope to keep doing it for a very long time.

I just happen to prefer my exercise torture to be straight up, without any softening.