Raising money to buy books

Balticon's main charity is BSFS Books for Kids, a longstanding focus of the Baltimore Science Fiction Society (BSFS) on buying books for area kids who could not otherwise afford them.  The Liars' Panel, an event I've run many times, raises money for this charity by making people pay a buck each to challenge a panelist when they think that person is lying.  If the panelist is telling the truth, all those dollar bills go into bowls that runners use to collect the cash.  If the panelist is lying, the panelist pays ten dollars into a bucket.

Today, I had the privilege of participating in and moderating a Liars' Panel with Joe Haldeman, Mur Lafferty, George R.R. Martin, and Jody Lynn Nye.  Over the course of 85 minutes we answered questions I had previously distributed to the panelists and told both lies and outrageous truths.

I'm happy to report that this panel set a Balticon record by raising $850 for the charity.

In this photo, four of the people who took care of the money--Boots, Rebecca, Eric, and Christine--join me with the baggie of cash I then delivered to the con.  (Jennie, who ran the money-collecting effort, took the photo, and a few other folks, whose names I unfortunately don't have, helped collect bills from the audience.)

Everyone laughed a lot, we all had a good time, and we did a little good.  Not a bad outcome for a con panel.

Later, I introduced George R.R. Martin's reading, at which he entertained a very large audience full of fans of his series.  The reading was quite entertaining, if dark, and the audience loved both it and the brief Q&A session afterward.

My last con activity of the day was a large group dinner with the returning and current guests of honor and many con staffers.

Everyone at Balticon treated me very well, and it was a great pleasure and honor to act as the Toastmaster for the con.

On the road again: Balticon, day 4

Once again, sleep did not come until very late, so I was happy that my first panel didn't start until noon.  At that time, I joined fellow participants Gay Haldeman, Mur Lafferty, and T.C. McCarthy on the Liars' Panel.

This event, as I've written before, is particularly notable because we do it for charity, in this case BSFS Books for Kids, a program in which the Baltimore Science Fiction Society buys books for kids who might not otherwise be able to afford them.  As moderator, I prepare a set of questions ahead of time and share them with the other panelists.  Each of us prepares our answers, some true and some lies.  We take turns answering each question.  After each response, the audience has the option of challenging the responder--at the cost of a buck if the responder is telling the truth.  If the responder is lying, he or she must pay ten bucks.  I choose questions that will encourage interesting responses.  All the money goes to the charity.

The result is usually an hour or an hour and a half (today's length) of great stories, laughter, and a few hundred bucks for charity.  Today's panel proved to be especially funny, with stories that frequently made the crowd roar.  We answered such questions as

• What is the most unusual childhood possession you deeply loved?
• What is the oddest prank you've pulled or had someone pull on you?
• What's the most unusual thing to happen to you during sex?

Lunch and some work followed, until it was time for the Xenoarchaeology Road Show.  In this panel, Guest of Honor Joe Haldeman, Mur Lafferty, T.C. McCarthy, and I played the role of scientists who, 500 years from now, must guess the uses of objects discovered in an expedition to the ancient and now abandoned Earth.

None of the other panelists had seen any of the objects before, and I had done my best to ignore them, so we had to participate in an odd sort of improv comedy involving, one at a time, the objects in this picture:

Click on the image to see a larger version.

The fifty minutes passed quickly as the stories grew odder, each of us created worlds in which some of these objects were linked, and the audience laughed.

Dinner was with Kyle at the always reliable Pazo in downtown Baltimore.  We enjoyed many small plates of delicious treats ranging from Jamon Iberico to broccoli with cheese and peppers.  A visual oddity was the tres leches cake dessert, which was entirely more twee than any I had ever seen before.  Kyle may post a picture of me with it, though from the little I saw of the photo, I'm hoping he does not. 

Where you can be sure to catch me at Balticon this weekend

I'll be reasonably busy at the con, but right after each event in which I'm participating is usually a pretty good time to drop by and say hi.  Here's what I know of my schedule so far--but do check the con's program book and the daily update sheets for possible changes.  Changes happen at cons. oh, yes, they do.

Opening Ceremonies, Friday night, 8:00 p.m., main ballroom

For the second year, I'll be the Master of Ceremonies for this formal kick-off to the con.  My job is simple to say but sometimes difficult to do:  Kick off the con, introduce the con head, introduce the guests, handle the presentation of two major awards (the Compton Crook and the Heinlein), and make sure we're done in one hour so everyone can get their party on over at the con suite.

Come to think of it, this job isn't even simple to say, but the con staff is great, so I'm sure we'll hit our marks (or come mighty darn close). 

The Baen Books Traveling Roadshow, Saturday, 12:30 p.m., Garden Room

Get free books.  See slides of original cover art and then of the final covers.  Get free stuff.  Learn about upcoming titles.  Get free books.  Pick up some insider scoop.  Get free stuff.

Oh, yeah, I'll be making this presentation, but there are other good reasons to come. 

Did I mention the box of swag I'll be driving to the con?

My reading, Saturday, 3:00 p.m., Pimlico room

Pull up a chair, pretend it's nearing bedtime and we're in front of a roaring fire with a good warm cup on a cold night, and let me read to you.

Okay, we'll be in a small room in the middle of the afternoon on an early summer day, and I advise light clothes and a cold drink, but I will be reading.

What will I read?  I have not decided yet.  Show up, and you'll find out...as I will.  It could be anything, though odds are good that it will be something I've written, such as a part of No Going Back, or a short story, or a tidbit from my mystery in progress, or something else.  I truly haven't decided yet.

Liars' Panel, Sunday, noon, Garden Room

Forget coming to this one for me; show up for the people I'll have the honor of working with and to help give kids books.  We're talking fan legend Gay Haldeman, who is one of the nicest fans I've ever had the pleasure to know; John W. Campbell award nominee and noted podcaster, Mur Lafferty; and Compton Crook Award-winning novelist, T.C. McCarthy.  We'll all answer outrageous questions--and most of the time, we'll tell the truth.  Sometimes, though, we'll lie.  Catch us in a lie by challenging us--it costs a buck a person to challenge--and we'll put ten bucks in the charity bowl.  Challenge us and learn we were telling the truth, and you put your buck in the bowl.  The money all goes to Balticon's charity that buys books for kids who can't afford them, so, really, you can't lose at this one.

If you don't have the time or inclination to laugh your ass off for 80 minutes, no problem:  Show up, drop a tenner (or a twenty, or a hundred--hey, kids need books) in the bowl and move on. 

Xenoarchaeology Road Show, 4:00 p.m., Salon room

Remember the excellent Mur Lafferty and T.C. McCarthy from that last panel?  Well, they'll be joining me again on this one, but we'll have a different Haldeman with us:  Guest of Honor and SFWA Grand Master Joe Haldeman.  We'll all be assuming the roles of xenoarchaeologists some five hundred years in the future as we try to discern the origins and uses of a variety of objects from present-day Earth.  I was on this one last year, and the audience laughed until they kicked us out.  We're aiming to top that this year.


You can also probably catch me in the halls, the dealers' room, or the art show, but these events are the sure things. 

I hope a ton of folks show up!

How the Liars' Panel works

I've written in many past SF convention reports about the Liars' Panel that I frequently run.  This panel is both a humor event and a charity fundraiser.  A lot of folks have asked how it works, so I thought I'd explain that here.

The panel works best with three panelists, all of whom need to know how to tell a funny story quickly, ideally in a minute.  The panel can work with four people, but they have to be good at answering quickly. The panel also requires the help of one or more people who pick up money.

I open the panel by explaining the rules:

• I’ll ask ten questions (time permitting).
• The panelists have seen the questions in advance.
• Each panelist will answer each question.  
• Three of each panelist’s answers will be lies--though if we don't get to all ten questions, you may not hear three lies from each of us.  I have no way to know if you will.
• No one else knows which answers are lies; even I don’t.  We have not shared our answers with each other.
• After an answer, I’ll ask if there are any challenges.
• Each person who wants to challenge may do so by holding up a hand with one dollar in it.  Panelists may challenge each other.
• If the answer was a lie, the panelist puts $10 in one of the collection buckets.
• If the answer was the truth, each person who challenged it must put $1 in the bucket.  
• All proceeds go to a charity of the convention's choice.

Thus, this panel actually costs each of the panelists money, at least thirty bucks (ten dollars a line), and usually more (to challenge fellow panelists).

Once I finish the rules, I ask which person will volunteer to go first, take that role if no one does, ask the first question, and then we're off.

Here are the questions I asked at the Illogicon II Liars' Panel this past weekend:

1. What’s the most outrageous place you’ve ever had sex?
2. What secret talent do you possess that few would suspect?
3. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever been caught doing in public?
4. What’s your weirdest possession?
5. What is the most frustrating experience you’ve ever had on a date?  
6. What is the most disturbing thing that ever happened to you while you were having sex?
7. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done to try to get a person of your sexual persuasion to notice you?
8. Who is your most embarrassing celebrity crush?
9. What guilty pleasure would others not expect you to have?
10. What's the weirdest rash, bruise, or injury you've ever had?  

Sorry, but no, you don't get to hear the answers.  

For that, you have to come to a convention where I'm doing the panel.

To learn which of my answers are true and which are lies, you must, of course pay.