So about the new Resident Evil movie

Either you know about this movie and are already at least vaguely interested, or it's news to you, in which case I'm not going to try to talk you into it.  Assuming you're in the former camp, here's the basic scoop:  it's better than the fifth, way better than the awful second, and loosely in the range of the first and the fourth.  (The third retains its standing as the best of the lot.)

Put differently, the action is non-stop and as realistic as ever (read:  not at all), the plot is as sensible as ever (read:  not at all), and Milla Jovovich acts as well as she does in these movies (read:  not well, but passably enough for the role).

I didn't love it, but I had a fun time watching most of it.

If you've seen them all, definitely catch this one.  If you've only seen a few, it's still worth checking out.

If you haven't seen any of them, check out the third.

Why am I planning to see this sixth Resident Evil movie?

I'm talking about this one, Resident Evil: The Final Chapter.



I could give you a lot of reasons, including Milla Jovovich and how insane this series is, but the simplest way to explain my plan is that I've seen all five of the prior films.

Yup.  I'm that big a glutton for Resident Evil punishment.

Resident Evil: Retribution

You might reasonably ask why I would go to see this movie, particularly given its current RottenTomatoes critics rating of 30%. I have several answers:

• Milla Jovovich
• Michelle Rodriguez
• I've seen all the others (yes, really)
• Michelle Rodriguez
• Milla Jovovich
• kinda-sorta zombie-ish bad things
• much shit goes boom

Here are things I do not expect when I walk into a theater showing a Resident Evil flick:

• a plot that makes any kind of sense whatsoever
• physics or any other science actually working
• Milla Jovovich's actual face (as opposed to the increasingly heavily altered simulation of it that appears on her body
• enough of Michelle Rodriguez (although, to be fair, is that even possible?)
• zombie-ish bad things that obey any set of consistent rules
• acting--forget good acting; you can't go to one of these expecting any acting
• mediocre or better writing on any front

Having armed you with my reasons and the many things I do not expect, I can now give you this very simple review:

If you want to see this film for the same reasons I do, and if you are willing to abandon all hope for any of the things I do not expect, then you will enjoy this movie.

As, for the most part, I did.

If, however, you do not fit this profile, I suggest you stay home and catch up on your reading, or your DVR'd TV shows, or your saved-up DVDs, or your overdue toenail clipping.  Whatever.