Baywatch

A while back, I wrote an entry about whether my loyalty to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson would be enough to overcome my common sense and lead me to see the new Baywatch movie.

It was.

I went.

Everything after that is tricky. On the one hand, I didn't groan or cringe as much as I had feared I would, and I laughed more than I had feared I might, so the movie beat my expectations. On the other hand, my expectations were astonishingly low.

Almost all of the funniest bits, of course, come from Johnson. His timing has greatly improved over the years, and he can keep a straight face while saying almost anything. The rest of the cast played off him reasonably well, given the story they had to inhabit and the lines they had to say. Both of those, though, were weak at almost all points, and very weak at many times.

I went to a local theater on discount night to catch Baywatch, and that's probably the right strategy. If you can get in cheaply, and if you're willing to trade a lot of bad bits for periodic laughs, and, of course, if you like staring at pretty people in bathing suits, check it out. Otherwise, give this one a pass.

A test of my loyalty to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

I'm a huge fan of Johnson's films. He generally turns in an appropriately scene-chewing performance, his comedic flair keeps getting better and better, and some of his films are even legitimately good (ref., for example, Central Intelligence).

This weekend, however, brings us the movie that may well push my loyalty to the breaking point: Baywatch.

I never watched the original show, and each time I've encountered it in reruns, I've either scooted right past it to the next channel or given it two minutes and then moved on by. Every minute I caught was painfully dumb.

From the trailers, it's clear that Johnson and the folks behind this reboot are frequently playing it for laughs, which is a welcome goal. I'm just not yet sure if that's enough to get me to the movie theater.

Time will tell. If I do go, I promise to report back.

I hate to hit you with another trailer

but you seriously must watch every second of this amazing bit of video.



When Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson says, “take the wheel,” and proceeds to manually re-direct a torpedo hurtling along the ice, I want to explode with joy.

I can't wait for this one.

Central Intelligence is a delightful romp

A group of us went to this movie because of The Rock, more properly known now as Dwayne Johnson.  We expected to be uncomfortable for most of the film, because we were sure we would be the victims of an onslaught of painfully awkward humor, but, hey, The Rock.

I'm very happy to have been wrong about this one.  Although the opening few minutes of flashback--the key moments of which are in the trailer--were indeed as uncomfortable as we expected, once the movie jumped to the present, it hit its stride and delivered a consistently funny and entertaining ride.

Dwayne Johnson plays the awkward and very fat geek grown into a powerful CIA agent--who is still a geek--perfectly.  Kevin Hart delivered the best and most subdued performance I've seen from him, in part because much of the time he was the straight man.

The supporting cast members were uniformly fine, with Danielle Nicolet a standout as Hart's wife.

If you need a lot of laughs, go see Central Intelligence.

I realize it's a failing

of mine that I want to see this movie--and will go see it--but there you have it.



What can I say?  I'm a sucker for films of The Rock (aka Dwayne Johnson).  I generally run a way from a movie starring Kevin Hart, but for this one, I'll be there.

Go ahead:  mock me.  I can take it.

San Andreas

is an hour and fifty-four minutes of headlong insanity.  Its science makes no sense, and no one in the cast tries very hard to portray a well-rounded character, but none of that matters, because it's The Rock vs. Earthquakes, and we know who's going to win that match.  Oh, yeah:  always bet on the The Rock.

Dwayne Johnson is fun to watch from start to finish.  Even when he has to emote, he's become just good enough that you don't need to groan.  He works in a helicopter, a truck, a plane, and a boat, using all of humanity's transportation modes to regain his wife, save his daughter, and kick ass--all while saving people from time to time.

The film contains plenty of short character-based scenes, but it never stays long on them before it returns to a long action sequence.  The SFX and action scenes are spectacular indeed, with astonishing amounts of sheer destruction.

Do not go to this movie if you want great acting or good science or, really, anything that makes sense in the real world.  On the other hand, if you want to see The Rock repeatedly save the day, don't miss it.

I had a grand time.

The Rock with hair

As Kyle pointed out to me, what's even weirder than having a second Hercules movie in the same year is having one that features Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson with a lot of hair--as in the flowing locks of mythological times.

Check it out.



Will I go?

Do you even need to ask?  Come on.  It's Hercules.  It's The Rock.

Of course I'll be there.